We Don’t Know What’s Up.

I’ve been thinking lately.

7:21 PM, 16/06/22

Picture this: I’m sitting cross-legged on my bed, cradling my laptop and musing about how I’m a pro at cooking spaghetti – there was spaghetti and fried fish in my plate 10 minutes ago but it’s empty now. “Adulthood Na Scam” by Lade is playing in the background and I’m singing along to the chorus ‘cos who can’t relate? My phone just beeped and it’s an alert. I’ve just been paid for a job. It’s safe to say that I’m an entire mood.

Today is the day I’ll complete this blog post I’ve put off for far too long. I can’t believe it’s been three months already ‘cos wasn’t March just yesterday? If you’re reading this, thank you. I don’t deserve you. I used to be the “Consistency Queen,” but life happened, and I’ve taken my crown off till I am worthy of wearing it again. I’ve missed you, and I mean it, so please believe me. I hope you’re doing great ‘cos I am. This year isn’t what I expected it to be – it’s been way better, and I’m beyond grateful.

My service year has been pretty fast. I’ll be done with NYSC and Gombe State very soon, and it’s like a movie ‘cos I’ve not even been to all the places I planned to visit. However, this was what I wanted – a service year that would not stress me, and trust me; there has been little stress. I found time to rest, hone my writing skills, earn money, and be generally productive. So far, things have been awesome… or have they?

8:45 PM, 16/06/22

Currently listening to my “I Love Jesus” playlist ‘cos it’s my favorite and I’ve switched positions so I’m lying down and my feet are dangling in the air. I took a break to check social media for a while – no messages. I’m not even surprised ‘cos I’m not toasting anyone and nobody is toasting me.

These past few months have taught me a lot, and there are some things I wish I didn’t have to learn the way I did, but it’s how life works, and lessons are inevitable. It’s better to learn from other people’s experiences rather than making those mistakes yourself ‘cos there are some mistakes you don’t come back from. I’m not the person I was a year ago because my sweat, tears, and other experiences have shaped me. I’ve re-evaluated my life and now know what I want to make out of it.

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11:55 PM, 5/07/22

I’m not listening to music. There’s this cool breeze blowing and I’m sitting on my bed in a position that will most likely give me a backache. Did you notice the date? Yeah, it’s been three weeks since I started writing and I don’t remember the direction this blog post was going ‘cos I’m obviously not the same person I was three weeks ago. Don’t stop reading tho’. We’re unraveling my mind together.

Shutting everyone out isn’t always the best solution, but sometimes, we do it anyway. The best part is that you can’t even feel bad for not checking up on people if they don’t check up on you. I won’t lie and say that I didn’t feel lonely a lot ‘cos I did. Sometimes, I wanted to call my friends, and I’d change my mind ‘cos what was the point? Why couldn’t they call me instead? Not even a text? Maybe I’d imagined the friendships. I had been angry for so long until one day; I received a call from my friend out of the blue. She missed me and had been through a lot, and here I was, stuck in my world, angry because my friends didn’t call me when I could have easily done so. Life was happening to my friend, and I was being so selfish! I called my friends that week.

Friendships and relationships may not always be 50/50, and that’s okay. Just because you’re not communicating with your friends always doesn’t mean they don’t love you. We’re at a point where we want to figure out our lives, and we barely have time for small talk. We have jobs, we’re learning, we’re far from each other (let’s not go into what distance can do to friendships), and we are discovering new versions of ourselves, among other things. For this reason, we have to pick up the slack sometimes. You should care about your friend enough to want to know how they’re doing, even if it feels like you’ve been abandoned – they may be going through stuff you know nothing about.

Sometimes, we fail to realize that not everything is about us. The lives of our families and friends do not revolve around us, and we need to realize that they are also the main characters in their shows, not just supporting characters in ours. As much as we need our friends, they also need us, and if they can’t be there for us, we should be there for them. This selfishness or negligence may make us lose friendships, and nobody wants that, especially if you don’t want to do life alone.

12:50 AM, 06/07/22

I’m considering a midnight snack but my size 26 stomach is now 28 and a half so I’ll pass. Just in case I go missing on here again, check my Instagram. That’s where I spend most of my time these days.

One day, we’ll talk about the friends we’ve lost but until then, let’s just keep being the best friends we can be to the ones we still have. We all want to be better, and I don’t think we’re doing a lousy job. In the meantime, let’s check up on a friend we’ve not heard from in a while. What do you think?

Cheers to wholesome friendships.

Love,

‘Ruona ❤️

P.S:

I’ve missed you, I’m sorry.

I didn’t know what to title this blog post so I changed the title six times before I settled for “We don’t know what’s up”. If you have any suggestions, please put them in the comment box. If I like it, I’ll change it and give you credit.

How was the first half of 2022 for you?

Do you think friendships should be 50/50 all the time?

Have you checked up on someone you love today?

Please put your replies in the comments section below. You know how much I love reading from you 💜.

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SINGLE SCRUTINY

Single Scrutiny | /ˈsɪŋɡ(ə)l/ /ˈskruːtɪni/ – An annoying critical observation and/or analysis of someone’s single status as if you’re being paid to drop comments or give advice on why the person is single. It’s not your business. Go away.

You’ve probably heard people make statements like “you’re too pretty to be single”, “a fine guy like you shouldn’t be alone”, and “you’ve secured the bag. What’s left is for you to secure a partner”.

You might have also heard this very nice question too – “You’re so beautiful/handsome/talented. How are you still single?”

When you hear people say stuff like these, they sound like compliments but in case you didn’t know, not every single person on the receiving end might see it that way.

I know you’ve made comments like this too. Don’t even lie.

Has it ever occurred to you that some of these people don’t want to hear your pity comments? Have you ever sat back to think that they don’t want to be reminded that nobody is doing couple goals with them? Have you?

Have you even thought that maybe, just maybe being single is a choice for these people and they’re not as miserable as you think they are? Not everyone is in a relationship and I know that nobody ever died from being single.

Being in a relationship is awesome but some people make this whole “being single” thing such a big deal. That’s why you find that some of them jump from relationships to relationships because of pressure or because they’re scared to be alone. That’s not the point tho’. Let’s not deviate.

My issue is with the people who practice single scrutiny. The ones who feel that they should be allowed to play judge and jury over another person’s relationship status. Who sent you? I know the person is your friend and you care but if you keep quiet, nothing will happen to you. It’s because of you the “na single I single, I no kill person” sentence was coined. That’s how you pressured your friend to enter another bad relationship because you won’t keep quiet and you made it seem like being in a relationship is some sort of achievement.

You should be sorry.

Stop. Just stop scrutinizing people’s lives and relationships. Please allow single Pringles to breathe because there’s no crime or shame in being single. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. As a matter of fact, people can be single for the following reasons:

• They’re chilling, just waiting for the right person to love and appreciate them.
• They would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
• They don’t like stress.
• They can’t afford the kind of relationship they want right now.
• They’re focused on their future.
• They haven’t given in to peer pressure and they don’t need to impress anyone.
• They really don’t send anybody.
• They love their personal space.
• Not everyone can do the “love thing” (or they don’t wanna try) LOL.
• Being single is not a crime.

So you get?

To the single Pringles that have been heavily scrutinized, don’t mind them.

I can’t believe they told you that if you continue like this, you won’t find your husband/wife. They actually think they have a say. I laugh in toxic relationships. Don’t pay any attention to them. You’re doing great, honey. I know you want to cuddle too but in good time.

How do you deal with people who scrutinize your single status?

• Honestly, deck them if you can.
• Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
• Be unapologetic.
• Do not wallow in self pity.
• Do not rush into anything. There’s nothing wrong with resting your heart till it’s ready to love again.
• Ignore the judge and jury, focus on you and make you happy.

Wait, wait. Some singles also scrutinize their relationship status.

I’m not going to say much except YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE IF YOU’RE NOT DATING SOMEONE! Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. Take time to breathe, appreciate yourself and work on yourself. Your desperation won’t get you that relationship you want, trust me.

Please, stop single scrutiny. A person’s relationship status doesn’t define him/her.

Dear singles, be unapologetic about everything. Your person is going to come and it’s going to be beautiful.

Okay, that’s it. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk (drops mic).

Love,

‘Ruona ❤️

P.S:

Why do you think some people always have stuff to say about people’s single status?

Have you been scrutinized before?

Do you scrutinize people’s relationship status? Dont lie.

Why do you think people stay single?

Why do you think single Pringles should not be bothered?

Please make your comments in the comment box below. You know how much I love reading from you! 💜